Haters Gonna Hate: How to Deal with Haters
I’d like to think that most people are like me, pretty open, optimistic, positive and supportive. Unfortunately, it often seems that there are more haters than lovers, and more often folks spewing negativity rather than support. As a fitness, wellness, and life coach, I thought it’s important to share some resources on how to deal with haters since I know so many people are affected by them.
It Happens to All of Us
I am one of those affected by it too. I can recall growing up in a fairly supportive environment. It wasn’t until adulthood that I can remember feeling “hated on” or unsupported in a way that left me questioning myself. Maybe it’s the fearlessness that we have as children that allow us to keep going after we hear “NO” or any other type of opposition? Maybe it was just the fact that I don’t remember any of the negativity since it’s been over 25 years?
But I remember as I started to develop my own opinions, got educated, started making informed decisions, and ultimately started living my life in a more positive way, I began getting unsolicited negative feedback as well. I remember the first time I sought to start my career as an entrepreneur. I had a shit-ton of people try to talk me out of my dreams. I’ve dealt with my fair share of hate in my adult life and I was fortunate to find personal development by the age of 30.
I have even noticed my own family and closest friends be unsupportive as I launched my wellness business. But I as learned and grew emotionally, and professionally, I realized that they honestly thought they were helping by keeping me safe and secure with the only way they know. Instead, they were projecting their very own insecurities and fears onto my dreams. If you don’t know much about personal development, I explain more about that HERE along with a list of my favorite personal development resources. Anyways, personal development was truly what taught me how to deal with haters, because unfortunately, we will all become a victim of hatred at one point or another. Here’s how I’ve learned to deal with it:
1. Stop to Assess the Underlying Issues
I know this seems simple. But so often we find ourselves instantly reacting to things thrown our way. Instead, I recommend taking some time to assess and think before responding.
2. Don’t Take It Personally
We know we know this, and somehow we ignore what we know from time to time. Learning to not only assess but to understand WHY someone is hating on you, can clarify nearly everything in the situation. One quote that always sticks with me is “Don’t worry about the haters…they are just angry because the truth you speak contradicts the lie they live.” – Dr. Steve Maraboli
From what I’ve learned, when someone is hating on you, it’s because of one or more of the following:
- They hate themselves
- You’ve become a threat to them
- They want to be just like you/want what you have
Just remember that their opinion is not your reality. We can only control the critics that exist between our own two ears.
3. Communicate with Kindness
Try to communicate coming from a place of compassion and understanding. Like I mentioned in Step 1, try not to react quickly, or even over-react if your ego gets the best of you. But alas, we are all human. If you do react un-kindly, you can clean up any miscommunication. Another tool to have in your toolbox is to respond with love and kindness instantly.
One of the most amazing things I’ve read was how Sarah Silverman responded to a hater on one of her twitter posts. When her hater called her a C#nt, she responded with something surprising:
“I believe in you. I read ur timeline & I see what ur doing & your rage is thinly veiled pain. But u know that. I know this feeling. Ps My back Fucking sux too. see what happens when u choose love. I see it in you.”
She took the time to see what he was about and sensed he was in pain. He responded with “I can’t choose love. A man that resembles Kevin spacey took that away when I was 8. I can’t find peace if I could find that guy who ripped my body who stripped my innocence I’d kill him. He fucked me up and I’m poor so it’s hard to get help.”
Sarah responds with “These are support groups in San Antonio – everyone in these groups suffered sexual abuse. Go to one. Maybe it will be lame or suck but try one for me. Your friend the cunt who loves you:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/groups/sexual-abuse/tx/san-antonio”
And the twitter conversation continued as her hater becomes a friend and fan and Sarah helps to set up a Go Fund me to help him out with his medical issues. The full transcript is here. I mean, I don’t know about you, but this is the most emotionally mature response to a hater that I’ve ever seen. And the outcome is absolutely beautiful.
4. Keep Your Tunnel Vision
Whatever you do, stay on your journey. Stay in your lane, put on your tunnel vision goggles and keep going! This is the exact reason that I invest in personal development every single day. If our mindset isn’t strong, we will begin to lack belief, which is exactly what our haters want. We all need to stay strong to combat not only haters but all of the other crazy stuff that life throws at us.
5. Bless and Release
Forgiveness isn’t always easy. But, if you do the work on your personal growth, and follow the above steps to understanding why haters hate, it will get easier to forgive. I like to say bless and release, meaning you may not agree with how someone treats you, but you forgive them and wish them well, but you just would rather not have them in your life. In some cases, you can control this, while often times, if you are dealing with family, you will have to see them from time to time and learn to deal with their negative beliefs by investing in personal development to keep your mindset strong.
So keep on filling your headspace with positivity and love and keep putting more of it out into the world. If you’d like to work more on a specific hater issue, I am willing to offer a free 30-minute session at the link below.